Lim Wei Jie
“It’s high time you get married, so I get to hold my grandson before I’m buried. Your sperms will never wait, and neither will your pretty mate,” the queen said to her son, who was single, available and reluctant to mingle.
The prince rolled his eyes and muttered fiendishly, “Easier dead than son.”
And so the mighty prince travelled around the world in his Audi TT, condemned by journalists and all greenies for the excessive carbon footprint he leaves; yet managing to charm all nubile princesses around the world with his panache. Oh but what a pity, for none caught his fancy!So after 2 long years and a further increase in global temperature, the prince, tired and weary, returned to the castle, crestfallen. His mood slightly lifted by a live telecast of The Bosnian Idol.
Hail-stones the size of golf balls pelted the kingdom that night. Suddenly, there was a knock on the castle door.
I wonder who it could be, the King thought as he transferred himself to a mobile wheelchair to move down the stairs. An avid fan of Taco Bells and everything fast food, he became too paunchy to even walk. He opened the door and his eyes bulged when he saw an attractive young man with rippling muscles by the name of Princey.
“Did anyone order Kentucky Free Cancer?” Princey smiled and asked suavely.
“That would be me.” the prince said. Instantaneously, he fell in love with him. He felt like ripping his clothes off and brawling with him in the drenching rain in a good old- fashioned heavy dose of bromance.
The queen, however, was sceptical.
Princey was invited to stay for the night. The queen wanted to test the eligibility of Princey as the prince’s wife/husband. She allocated a room for him.
The next morning she asked him whether he slept well. “Nope,” he said after stifling a yawn. “The mattress was so hard, there were no mirrors and I couldn’t remove my make-up.”
The prince cringed and knitted his eyebrows. “It’s alright,” the queen said. “All is well. Follow me.” She led them to his room and removed the 20 overpriced IKEA mattresses. And nicely ensconced in the middle of the bedstead, was a dried little pea.
“Only a real prince could’ve felt that. Your sensitivity astounds me. Congratulations, you now have my son’s hand in marriage.”
They embraced. The prince got down to his knees and said to Princey “Will you marry me? I promise you I will love you, in good times and in bed.”
“Hell yes!”
The Editor-in-Chief says: Heaven knows we’re sick and tired of moralistic fairy tales, and it’s great to see someone take a hammer to one of them!
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