LOVE: QUEST’CE QUE C’EST? (Pratik Raghu, June 09)

LOVE: QUEST’CE QUE C’EST?

 Pratik Raghu

A lean, blue eyed youth is illuminated by the moon, his pearly whites glittering like nighttime lights reflected by a river. His Adam’s apple bobs expectantly as he gently grasps the slender wrist of his ‘Cherie’, a near – ethereal vision of flawless skin and downy, auburn hair. They come together, their statuesque silhouettes framed crisply against a vast sky flecked with winking stars. As their lips lock, their arms entwine and their fingers dig into each other’s backs, an angst fuelled rock song from the early part of the last decade reaches its heart – rending climax.

Let us collectively thank the US of A for crafting the stereotypical image of love detailed above. Be it through movies, music or fashion statements, those Yanks sure know how to strike chords, don’t they? In the same way that they’ve reeled us into remarking “Oh my god!” for no apparent reason, in the same way that they’ve made half the civilized world suit up in low cut jeans, they’ve managed to radically alter the way the most powerful force in the universe is perceived. Label me a backward – thinking prude if you so wish, but I refuse to believe that true love must involve slavishly holding hands, swaying dazedly under a spotlight at a prom or spending hours on the phone saying “nothing at all” (sorry, Gym Class Heroes). What I would like to do is wash off the distorting makeup applied by Western pop – culture icons to try and fathom what love is, what it connotes, what it requires and what it can offer.

As far as the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary is concerned, love is “a strong feeling of deep affection for someone or something.” Accepting this vague, sterile definition of something so profoundly influential would be tantamount to saying that Charles Dickens was ‘a half - decent writer’ or describing the microprocessor as ‘a rather significant development.’ We can only comprehend the ramifications of love if we look around the tiny green planet we inhabit. Love is the force that drives a lioness to perennially keep an eye on her carefree cubs, as they gambol, trip, fall and gambol some more.  Love is the adhesive that can bind hearts together even as hairlines recede, exteriors crinkle and spines succumb to gravity. Love is the fire that crackled in Mahatma Gandhi’s chest cavity as he battled for India’s independence and, ultimately, its soul. Love has inspired acts of indescribable benevolence and nobility that continue to be reference points for us today.  It has obliterated seemingly insurmountable obstacles posed by ethnicity, religion, nationality, language and economic status. It has fuelled the conception and creation of our finest works of art and our most uplifting pieces of music. How can we then not conclude that love has shaped the world as we know it? Such is its power, such is its universality, such is its capability to change.

I feel that love mandates understanding and whole-hearted acceptance. How can we claim to love someone when we are unaware of that person’s true nature? Love requires that we recognize failings and idiosyncrasies without being disgusted, outraged or turned away: one shouldn’t forget that, as far as human beings as concerned, perfection is illusory. People should be forgiven for possessing aggravating mannerisms and for making decisions that we would not have. “Hate the sin, love the sinner,” as a “half -naked Indian fakir” once proclaimed. Judgment should always be preceded by careful consideration and insightful observation. We have to admire ‘the complete picture,’ not just the deft brush strokes in one particular corner.

Love requires compromise. Once we have accepted an individual’s flaws, it seems only sensible to display our love through compassionate accommodation.  This may involve giving up precious time, altering one’s lifestyle or even stepping into the ‘line of fire’ to shield and protect. I certainly believe that divorce rates in Western societies will plummet dramatically if Europeans and Americans become truly conscious of the importance of selflessness to a marriage.  It goes without saying that this applies as much to husbands as it does to wives: just as you cannot expect a single hand to clap by itself, you cannot say that a marriage involving chauvinistic subservience and overt concessions has true love as its cornerstone. Very many conservative Indians should commit the above sentence to memory! I personally feel indignant outrage every time I see sari – clad wives solemnly waiting for their husbands to polish their plates so that they can take their places at the table. Devotion should be cherished, not taken advantage of, and commitments should be whole-hearted expressions of one’s willingness to support, not obligations that must be attended to.

Needless to say, honesty is vital to the long term maintenance of relationships. Suspicions should never be given even an inkling of a chance to take root, while openness should be perpetuated from the get – go. I’m reminded of an excellently crafted short story by Jhumpa Lahiri, in which a husband and wife revive their flailing marriage by admitting their deepest secrets to each other in a blackout. The skeletons of one’s past need public funerals, for, if they’re tightly locked away in closets, they become quite adept at the art of sudden ambushing.

I find myself sighing exasperatedly as this article nears its conclusion. The fact of the matter is, love has touched human hearts for thousands of years. It is relevant to everything from literature, art, music and moviemaking to sociology, statistics, politics and the natural world. Its omnipresence seems to rival that of pagan religious icons – and yet, even humanity’s most scholarly minds struggle to assign it a definitive definition. I suppose that we’re then forced to place love in the same category as God, the meaning of life and the origins of the universe. Maybe some things must be intuited, and not known. I don’t know if we’re meant to get to the bottom of love – but I do fiercely believe that we’re meant to embrace, rejoice and spread it from the depths of our hearts.