Lim Wei Jie
More and more monogamous relationships are breaking up, divorce cases are on the rise and infidelity seems to be a fashionable trend. Tiger Woods, Chelsea
What happened to “For richer, for poorer, for better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do we part”? Based on the aforementioned people, there seems to be an applicable leave the spouse can opt for during the relationship to satisfy his/her own lust. Society appears to have morphed into practicing dirty pragmatism where adults and teenagers alike demand for instantaneous results, or in this case, pleasure. When both partners work their asses off till 9pm every day, they will be too lethargic to reciprocate their partner’s love, not to mention having children. So one of the viable and practical solutions people will opt for is—polyamory.
Polyamory can be literally translated as many loves, or further defined as sharing love, romance, intimacy and affection with more than one person, openly and ethically by mutual agreement all around. Unsurprisingly, this seems to be a trend that is gaining momentum throughout the world, especially our western counterparts. Furthermore, more than 60 countries in the world recognise polygamy under their civil and traditional laws (Wikipedia, polyamory). The key factor that drives polyamory is the scepticism about marriage and the practicality of it in this era. Coincidentally, Aldous Huxley did play around with the idea of polyamory in his book (Brave New World) when he mentioned this as a key catalyst in forming utopia as open relationships, compared to monogamous, will eliminate any jealousy or suspicion that will consequently fizzle into a sour, spiteful acrimonious relationship. This resonates with the gist of polyamory as openness, trust, respect and sharing of unconditional love is prioritized. Polyamorists claim that the term ‘jealousy’ has been substituted with the opposite—‘compersion’ which means the feeling of joy that comes from knowing that the one you love is well loved by someone else. The fact that polyamory is about humans caring for each other without trying to own or possess each other reinforces the idea. A quote from a polyamorist: “Love should be unconditional, rather than the monogamous proposition of ‘I will love you on the condition that you will not love anyone else’. Love is infinite, and not a finite commodity. If you can love your first child as much as you love your second child, why not extend your love to more than one person?” (The Star Mag, 14th Jan)
A typical hypothetical example of people involved in polyamory is Celeste, 28, who earns about RM25k a month and is seeking companionship but does not want commitment or emotional attachment. She will divide her attention among Mark, her date cum romancing partner; Ken, her travel cum romancing partner; Clement, her sports and date partner. Different partners fulfil different needs.
So will this relationship fail in the long run? Definitely, and it’s just not my cup of tea.
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